All beginnings are difficult, that’s nothing new. For a long time I had the desire to create a website or an Instagram account. For various reasons…
… to share my story around disordered eating and self-esteem issues.
… to put my love of lists, organization and planning on paper
… to write down my experience with professional pressure, career and depression
… or to simply have a creative outlet as a non-creative person.
About a year ago, I took the plunge. I created an Instagram account to share fitness and nutrition content. I can’t even remember the name by now, something about „Glow up with Emma“? In hindsight, a title I would never use again… for many reasons.
Relatively quickly, friends followed me (before I even showed my face) and I was approached about it. I became more and more uptight, embarrassed, what would people think of me? Does Emma now think she could be The Next Influencer? But looking back, maybe one person thought or spoke badly about it more than once, everyone else didn’t even care after about 15 seconds.
And that’s how I feel about projects from friends and people I know. You think about it, but after a few seconds you forget about it and go on with your own life. Everyone has their own problems and issues that I certainly don’t have time for. I like to be there for friends and help where I can. But apart from my friends I try to invest as little energy as possible in the problems and affairs of others. It’s just not worth it anymore.
This may come across as if I don’t care about anything or anyone but myself…which is as far from the truth as the moon is to the earth. But that’s exactly what I have to work on. It doesn’t matter what others think of me, I have my support system to help me with this and everyone else has nothing to do with it (if they care at all).
So I’m trying again.I created the website including domain and Instagram account about eight months ago and worked on it with such motivation and ambition. No matter if even one person would read it, I did it for me. For my creativity and my balance away from sports, work and life in general.But then came the hole…the deep deep hole called depression that I fell into eight months ago and am still working on getting out of. I’ve climbed up a few rungs on the ladder, I’ve fallen down a few, but I’m on my way up. And that’s all that matters.
I want to try to make a constant out of this. My outlet to write down my story, my experiences and my many little problems. And maybe, with a lot of luck, someone will read this and understand me. Or even better, feels understood.
Life is unfair and not easy, but I firmly believe that it can and should be so much more. Lets go find it out!
